Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
