walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
