This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
