3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
