I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
