I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
