I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
