I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
