My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
