pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
