Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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