she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
