dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
