my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize