Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
