It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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