I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
