The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize