she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
