we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
