my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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