there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize