Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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