As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
