Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
