the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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