atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
