Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
