Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
