I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
