If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
