someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
