I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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