is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
