My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
