i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Boobs speak an international language.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize