I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
