if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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