is your mom at the bar?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
