Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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