Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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