trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
