i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
