I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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