are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
