I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
