so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
