I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
