dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
