I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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