Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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