Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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