I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize