Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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