Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
