Have you finally orgasmed yet?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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