Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
