we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
