We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize