I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
