i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
