my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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