btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
