You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
