It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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