"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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