Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize