She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
