I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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