She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
a search helicopter?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
