She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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