I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
